The Last Letter Home

In 1900, an uprising in China against Christians and evangelical churches claimed some 32,000 lives.  The Shanxi Province was a particularly dangerous place to openly follow Christ. Lizzie Atwater, a young pregnant missionary there, wrote a final letter to her parents on August 3, 1900:
"Dear Ones, I long for a sight of your dear faces, but I fear we shall not meet on earth... I am preparing for the end very quietly and calmly. The Lord is wonderfully near, and He will not fail me. I was very restless and excited while there seemed a chance of life, but God has taken away that feeling, and now I just pray for grace to meet the terrible end bravely. The pain will soon be over, and oh the sweetness of the welcome above!

 My little baby will go with me. I think God will give it to me in Heaven, and my dear mother will be so glad to see us. I cannot imagine the Savior's welcome. Oh, that will compensate for all of these days of suspense. Dear ones, live near to God and cling less closely to earth. There is no other way by which we can receive that peace from God which passeth understanding.... I must keep calm and still these hours. I do not regret coming to China, but am sorry I have done so little. My married life, two precious years, have been so very full of happiness. We will die together, my dear husband and I.


I used to dread separation. If we escape now it will be a miracle. I send my love to all of you, and the dear friends who remember me."


Lizzie saw eternity.  Twelve days after her letter was written, on August 15, 1900, Lizzie Atwater, her unborn baby, and six other missionaries were hacked to death by their guards.

May God give us the same courage, and his peace that passes understanding during the uncertain times we live in. If you don't know Jesus, please write me and let me introduce you.  We are in very precarious times. You need all the courage and help God has available for you.

Shallow Happiness

 "The difference between shallow happiness 

and deep sustaining joy is sorrow." 

- W.Wangerin

They Also Serve Who Only Stand and Wait...

Ready or not, a new year has begun. Budgets, diets, schedules, and new lists of resolutions should be made by now...here in this 3rd week of January.  I like the feeling of hopefulness about all that lies ahead, but I have to admit, another feeling competes with that hopefulness. It's a feeling of "Wait a minute! I am at the starting line, the guy has just fired the gun to start the race, but where are we running? How far do we have to go? and WHY are there not pointers showing which way to even run?!" 

Do you ever feel that way?  Spiritually, I am especially aware of this deep hunger to be found in the center of God's will, doing whatever He has in mind...but I am clueless as to what that actually is!  My pessimistic mind usually fills in the blank with whatever is least desirable or requires the most amount of self denial, forcing the Holy Spirit, like a referee stepping in, to gently remind me that is not how God "wills".

A couple years ago, in a study with my mentors, Sara and Ava, we studied this beautiful poem by John Milton, that has stuck with me ever since, and given me peace on these days when I wait...

On His Blindness
John Milton (1604-1674)

When I consider how my light is spent

Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,

And that one Talent which is death to hide

Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent

To serve therewith my Maker, and present

My true account, lest He returning chide,

"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"

I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent

That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need

Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best

Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state

Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,

And post o'er land and ocean without rest;

They also serve who only stand and wait."